Scientists have done little to enlighten us on the subject of weaning. Most are confused about how to define the term: Does weaning mean introducing foods other than breast milk into a child's diet, or does it mean stopping breastfeeding altogether? Some writers have assumed that the two events occur at once, although at no other time or place than in twentieth-century Western society has this been so. Other writers have assumed that women in traditional societies were weaning when they gave their babies small amounts of ritual or medicinal foods. Some researchers have written treatises on weaning that concern only giving up the bottle, and don't even mention the breast. Physicians and nutritionists have tried to generalize about all mothers and babies from studies of malnourished mothers and weanlings in countries suffering from Western colonization and industrialization. Psychologists and psychiatrists have insisted that weaning methods largely determine personality, and a few have actually compared adults who were weaned in the early months with those weaned later, finding the early weaners to be pessimistic, aloof, insecure, and unhelpful (Goldman 1948, Slome 1960). Generally, though, psychological and psychiatric writings on weaning are almost entirely speculative.

Anthropologists, including Margaret Mead, have probably helped the most in developing our understanding of weaning. They have found that women wean at the time and in the way that their cultures prescribe, and that peaceful, cooperative societies tend to have longer breastfeeding periods and gentler weaning methods. Anthropologists haven't demonstrated, however, a cause-and-effect relationship between the way a child is weaned and her later personality. Few scientists of any sort have examined how weaning affects children's minds, either immediately or in the long term. Nor have scientists considered how weaning affects mothers' minds -- or their bodies, for that matter.

Weaning methods and ages vary greatly among traditional societies. In some, women don't initiate the close of breastfeeding at all, but let their children go on nursing as long as they like -- for as long as fifteen years (Wickes 1953). In other societies, breastfeeding ends in the second year or even earlier, and children may be scolded, slapped, teased, and frightened into leaving their mothers' breasts alone. But both of these examples are extremes. In most societies, mothers don't even begin to work at weaning until the child is between two and three years old, and if weaning is abrupt it is also without cruelty (Whiting and Child 1953, 71). The median age of complete weaning worldwide has been variously estimated as between three and five years.

Western confusion about weaning stems partly from the fact that our heterogeneous society has no rules about when and how to wean. In the 1960s it seemed that weaning from the breast would soon no longer be an issue at all -- bottle feeding from birth was apparently becoming universal in our society. Since the mid 1970s, however, a far greater proportion of mothers have breastfed, many for longer periods than their great-grandmothers did. Although many women today wean in the first few weeks after birth, often in preparation for a return to work, others nurse for two years, three years, four years, or longer.

Preferences about breastfeeding and weaning vary by class, region, and family, but these variations aren't absolute; they are only statistical. Every woman must decide for herself what is best for her and her child. Our heterogeneous society gives us a lot of freedom in when and how we wean, but also an inescapable responsibility to understand what we are doing and why. Yet advice on weaning is hard to come by, and often contradictory.

From the child's point of view, generally, the later the weaning the better. Babies weaned after about four months are much less susceptible to gastrointestinal illness from contaminated formula or feeding equipment. After eight to ten months, a baby can wean directly to a cup, avoiding the dangers of overdependence on a bottle (see "The Hazards of Formula Feeding" in Chapter 1). At the end of the first year a baby's immune system functions at 60 percent of adult capability, so the loss of her mother's antibodies isn't as dangerous as before. After eighteen months or so, a child is over the worst of separation anxiety; the loss of the breast is a much smaller threat to her security now. At about age three, a child leaves behind the aggressive independence of the toddler years, and will usually wean easily and amicably. And after age four or so, a child can take pride in making her own decision to give up nursing, and may talk about her nursing years with love and gratitude forever after.

From the mother's point of view, the benefits of late weaning aren't so clear. Whereas some mothers love the intimacy and relaxation of breastfeeding, others complain about being "tied down" or feeling "like a cow." For these women, being physically tied to a child through breastfeeding may accentuate the burdensome aspect of parenting, which in our society can be isolating and even impoverishing. Most women, actually, feel somewhat ambivalent about breastfeeding; at times nursing may seem a tender joy, at other times an annoyance. Breastfeeding women may naturally wonder if bottle feeding would make mothering easier. Even if a woman loves to nurse, sore nipples, criticism from family members, pregnancy, or some other problem may drive her to wean sooner than she would otherwise. Weaning may bring relief; however, most women who wean in the early months end up wishing they hadn't.

In the following chapters we will tell you how to wean your baby at any age you prefer, and we will also tell you how to delay complete weaning if it isn't necessary. We will tell you how to avoid overusing or misusing bottles and formula, and how to avoid using these things at all. We will show you that, as long as you are nursing, you can take control of where, when, and how often you nurse. We will try to help you see weaning as both an event and a process -- a process that begins with a baby's first taste of a food other than mother's milk, and continues for weeks, months, or years afterward. We will try to help you ensure that your baby develops well -- physically, socially, and mentally -- no matter how long nursing continues. Finally, we hope, we will offer you the ideas and encouragement you need to end nursing not only with minimal struggle and grief on either side, but also with happy memories of your nursing days and confidence in your child's future.