We were all due for September babies, and had been a very close class. Before it ended, we picked a date near Christmas and decided to have a reunion to see each other again, and of course, to introduce our offspring.

About a week before the reunion, there was one couple no one had heard from. We had been unable to reach them by phone. The answer to their absence came the next day, on the front page of the newspaper. Louise, the mother we were waiting for, had walked in front of a speeding train and killed herself. When someone from the class was finally able to speak with her husband, he relayed how unhappy she had been and how unusual her behavior had been since she'd had the baby. He said her doctor thought she probably had postpartum depression. At the time, we sadly went ahead with the reunion. At that time, no one knew or really understood what postpartum depression was. All we felt was, "How could a loving mother kill herself at this happy time in her life?" I tried to imagine this family's future Christmases, so close to the anniversary of the mother's suicide, with the child still alive. I hoped this would be the last time I heard about such a tragedy. It was too painful to think about.

Seventeen years later, it happened again. This one was even more heart-wrenching to me, as a mom, a psychotherapist, and someone who has also experienced depression. Another young mother -- a physician and psychotherapist -- holding her 6-month-old son in her arms, jumped in front of a moving subway. He died immediately; she died nine days later. The questions and conjecture and "Monday morning quarterback" interpretations were all over Toronto's media. Same question again. How could a loving mother kill herself at this happy time in her life?

The answer is complicated. Some of the reasons can be biology, hormones, genetics or society's expectations of how a new mother should act and feel. Others, we will never know.

Now that the new baby's here, have you found that you are feeling weighed down and unhappy? Part of it may just be the "baby blues," which affect about 80 percent of all mothers and go away in a few weeks. During this time, you may feel more sad, irritable, angry, emotional and exhausted. If these feelings do not go away and you are experiencing depression, it may feel like an unending winter for your soul and spirit.

Everyone feels sad occasionally. Normal sadness is transient. It may last a few days, but is easily replaced by enjoyment and happiness. And you may have been one of the 25 percent of women who even felt depressed during your pregnancy. However, 10 to 28 percent of postpartum women (either by birth, miscarriage, abortion and even adoption) may suffer from a clinical depression -- sadness that lasts more than two weeks and is often accompanied by at least four of these other symptoms:

• lack of interest (especially toward the baby) or lack of pleasure in usual activities
• sleeping or eating more or less than normal
• feeling helpless ("I can't do anything") or hopeless ("I want to give up")
• poor self-esteem (feelings of worthlessness or guilt)
• irritability or anger
• lack of energy
• inability to concentrate
• anxiety or panic attacks (including obsessive thinking)

If you are severely depressed, you may even think of suicide as an answer. This is a medical emergency and needs to be dealt with immediately by your family physician or nearest hospital emergency department. If you are close to someone who is talking about suicide, do not assume that because they are talking about it, they will not do it. Talking about suicide is often a cry for help that must be listened to and given close and caring attention.

The most severe complication is postpartum psychosis, which affects 1 to 2 percent of women and requires immediate treatment. The woman is out of touch with reality, hallucinating, perhaps "sped up," and filled with false beliefs that a helper cannot change. She needs to be hospitalized as soon as possible. Do not wait; get her there now.

Remember: Postpartum depression is a treatable illness, just like diabetes or heart disease. You are neither "crazy" nor "lazy." It is unfair for you or anyone else to expect you to stop feeling depressed by "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps." It often takes a combination of sophisticated approaches to treat depression and anxiety. Anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety medication, combined with counseling and -- hopefully -- a postpartum support group, is often the most effective treatment of choice.

There are many different kinds of antidepressants on the market, and it may take a few dosage or actual medication changes until you notice an improvement. That's why it's important to be patient and not give up if your response is not immediate. If you do start to feel better, don't stop taking the medication until your physician advises you to. This way, you won't experience a relapse and start feeling depressed again. Do not worry that you will become addicted to the medication -- this is not a factor with antidepressants. Another concern you may have is that you will need them for the rest of your life. This is not usually the case. Anti-depressants may only be necessary at times of stress or changes that cause you to start feeling depressed again.

Counseling will give you the opportunity to share your feelings and concerns openly, learn new ways of thinking and get support from objective people who have your best interests at heart. Family physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and nurses are all qualified to provide counseling. Seek out a caring professional you feel you can trust, talk to, and work with to help you through your difficulties. Perhaps you will choose to get help through your church or synagogue. Family members should be included in your treatment, as it will help them to help you and to understand you better.

Do not try and deal with postpartum depression alone. It is not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. You are not a bad mother. No one is going to take your baby away. Please don't suffer any longer than you have to. When you are in the middle of a depression, any change feels oppressive and to ask for help may seem impossible. You are not alone and this is not your fault. Allowing yourself to receive treatment on your way to feeling better will be like opening the curtains and letting the sun in the window after a too-long winter.

It is up to us, those who love us, and our health care professionals to keep preventable tragedies such as maternal death and infanticide resulting from treatable postpartum depression from EVER happening again!